So I don’t know about anyone else but one of my biggest issues half the time is managing the contents of my purse. The worst part is that sometimes I lie to myself based on comparisons I make between me and my other friends: “but she doesn’t even use a wallet! just carries around her loose credit cards like poker chips or something!” **pats self on the back** “at least I carry all my valuables in one spot in my wallet…” I think to myself. Of course, this wallet that contains basically everything I should never lose, is stuffed deep down, covered by mountains of other objects, looking something like this:
(Binoculars perspective of literally finding a needle in a haystack)
I’m sure many people can relate to that stressful moment just before reaching any cash register, like you’re about to finish the Boston Marathon but then realize your number fell off about 10 miles back, suddenly you don’t feel so legit. One time I decided to splurge and buy myself this really nice pair of shoes at some expensive overly pretentious shoe store where all the women are walking around in full make-up, hair, and leather mini-skirts to match their stilettos at 11 o’clock in the morning. I mean first of all, what is it about those places, the second I walk in and start talking to one of the girls, suddenly I start acting like I’m freakin Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, like, I hear myself sounding this way, laughing with them as if I’m holding a martini rather than an overpriced size 7 in my hand. We gab and gab and of course, just as they are trained to do, these shoe sirens have somehow convinced me that I need to do this for myself, obviously. So I make my way to the counter acting as if I’m totally cool with it, pretending like I always do this sorta thing, pretending as if I’m not going to wear them tomorrow night hoping to keep them unscuffed, then return them the next day to the same store’s other location.
Anyways, get up to the register carrying on this stupid girly conversation, reach down for my wallet, keep reaching, nope, still trying to play it cool, start sweating “shit there’s no way I could have forgot my wallet, could I have?” “no, no, I’ve never even done that why would that just conveniently happen today, right?” as things get trickier, I realize I have to resort to one of the worst cash register customer offenses– start pulling things out and placing them on the counter to clear out the bag in desperate hope of finding the key to leaving this shoe-workshop of death that I now realize I instantly regret going into. Already feeling the guilt of spending all of last nights tips, I can’t back down though, proudness and stubbornness keeps me going (those are the two most essential traits right..?). So in complete Mary Poppins style I start pulling things out and putting them on the counter hoping that my talking this whole time has been distracting her from my inner dialogue purse panic and also from seeing the actual inside of my bag while I try and casually tilt it away trying to also open it enough to look inside, doesn’t help that the bag is black. Ok, pull out the huge multi-keyed keychain, the 5 unnecessary hair-clips I carry around for some reason ‘just in case’, I mean, really what is my deal sometimes, the hand lotion, the, woah woops try to avoid pulling out the tampons, then the change purse with quarters for meters, trying to mask the sound of the paper that’s covering the leftover sandwich from just before I walked in, not doing a great job because it definitely now smells like Panera in the 5 foot radius that I’m standing in, anddd finally, the right wallet. I can tell this lady is actually probably dead bored at this job and seems to amazingly still be talking about her light-up prom shoes she had back in high school, her co-worker however doesn’t look so amused she scoffs at the tackiness of both of us in this moment. I look to my wallet, now here’s the next thing, do I hand her cash or credit, I’m a waitress so most of the cash I happened to have on me was all one dollar bills but something tells me that this girl will probably have to recount that amount of ones about 6 times, so I hand her the card. About to finish this whole ordeal and whatta you know, the card gets declined.
Ha, just kidding about that last part, I bought the shoes, wore them all weekend and did in fact return them to the store the following weekend, I know, it’s because of people like me that morality no longer exists but come on, you would have done the same. Anyways this isn’t even the point of this whole post, the point is that I, along with what I assume to be many other people who have dealt with similar situations, need help getting organized. I’ve seen some infomercials about this kind of thing, and although I am a sucker for the occasional infomercial, I was not impressed, they show this kind of mental hospital restraining belt looking thing going into your purse to hold everything in place. To me, this just looked like now instead of pulling things out piece by piece, I would end up pulling this entire belt out of my bag while it holds every one of my belongings in front of some horrified cashier like a magic trick. Conveniently, I have found a bunch of DIY purse organization ideas via the all-knowing Pinterest, after a few minutes of deliberation I have decided to try this one:
I’ll post the results shortly…